I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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