I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
