Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
