i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
