Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He passed out mid-signature
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
