I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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