Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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