did you get engaged???
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
