Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
