I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The adults are the big ones right?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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