oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
