the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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