My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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