why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Two words: blizzard sex
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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