So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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