I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you win again, gameday.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
