just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
