he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
