i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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