Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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