So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
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HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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