i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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