In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he thought i was a dude.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
