I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I woke up under a house in Key West
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