Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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