There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
