I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
