somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
