Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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