he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize