Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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