I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
