brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
