I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
