thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
