its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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