Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I sprained my soul last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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