Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
