then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
