I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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