And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
