Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
