Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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