Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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