would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
