Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
soo... how was my night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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