porn star boner night. come get it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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