I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it's great music for shaving your balls
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
