Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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