i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
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I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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