Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
