I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
