I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
