I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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