Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
