if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
