it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
