dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
time to smoke my breakfast
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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