shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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