I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
