Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
