I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
