i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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