Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
