Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
