My underwear smells like fireworks.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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