My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
