So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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