I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
