You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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