I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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