his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
