I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
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I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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