would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize