If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
