K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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