sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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