super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
