so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
