He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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